There's a reason people call me when the shit hits the fan and no one else, besides the fact that I'm usually the only one the picks up the phone and able to deal with it in a calm manner that gets me all the information up front. I don't need a call at 2am from my sister strung right the hell out and in tears, because people told her our mother is dying in the hospital.

Leaving work was not fun. Explaining it to my boss and waking him up in the middle of the night probably put me further down the shit list and being pissed to loss out on money to go sit in the hospital all night was pretty much how I spent my night. Then again, I wouldn't actually show how pissed I was around my sister and family at all, not when she demands that I have to leave work in tears.Had to wait about an hour before getting information of why I had to leave work I'd be hell bent if I actually ask my sister to explain when one look at her tells me she's about to fall to pieces. Dragged my grandmother to the side in the middle of a stupid story neither of us were willing to deal with. Joking at this point in time is not something you can do, there's a time and place and body language was saying it was neither for anyone. Finally found out was happening. Apparently my mother had full on kidney failure and wasn't able to keep anything down due to her body being unable to get it out in other means. Tried to track down a doctor so that I can actually know what's going on in medical terms, but only got information from the nurse.
Finally got sent home to sleep around 5am. I asked mom repeatedly if she wanted me to stay wit her, because of all people I would know as well as her how much hospitals suck when your alone. I told her she didn't have to be brave or motherly and could be selfish and I wouldn't go, because I wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon anyway if I had stayed at work.
I have a huge phobia of hospitals now, but somehow manage to deal with it and get dragged back there for multiple causes.

Dad and I went out to lunch after I woke up, I explained to a few friends what was happening and updated my boyfriend who I had been talking to last night with what I knew.

I know it's selfish of me not to go back to the hospital, but there's a certain point where I just can't deal and need to be surrounded by loving caring friends. I'm already at a breaking point because people keep calling to leave work for emergencies and I only have two shifts a week that I can't afford to lose. I can't even afford to move now except that my new landlord is my friend and willing to shelter me out of his own pocket.
The stress is just eating me up and it hurts to have people call me heartless because I don't want to sit and watch my mom almost die everyday of my life anymore. I love her. I don't think I deal with it if she did die, but I can't be around it right at this moment.

Maybe tomorrow. The doctor said she should be okay and I'm sure my grandparents will be faithful like always to call me with any changes, or felecia will when she visits.

I really want jay or mat to come over.....