| Blindness |
[23 Mar 2009|08:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cynical |
] |
Blindness has long since been a fear of mine. Having been born blind, and staying in the dark for the first two weeks of life before my eyelids finally gained the strength to open and show me the world was interesting. I don't remember, but certainly there's a fear in everyone that wants to hold us from the darkness we first saw. To see nothing except white? That would remind me of fainting, which I've also done one too many times.
It would be hard to imagine a world where everyone became in flicked without warning, but blindness does a good job to describe the reaction.
The movie itself was interesting and composed very well with very subtle and soft cues. I like how white was a dominating feature of the whole film right up to the end. The halls, the clothes, everything holding that pale hue that fit so well. The actions also did a pretty good job of pretending to be blind. It was also cool to watch a film where none of the characters had a name and instead referred to a job or physical description as labels.
Not a huge action movie, though you can't really put a lot of action in there with such subject matter and I was a little bored at parts, the boredom passed quickly though.
The only part I disagree with is the rape scene. I'd rather not have watched that, though I'm sure there would be a few arguments over whether it was rape or not. Technique they volunteered...but...volunteer or starve is pretty harsh. I had to turn away and buried my head into my boyfriends shoulder until this scene was over.
It's not that it happened that I'm disagreeable with, since with the world as it is I can easily see that happening as much as I'd hope as humans we could avoid it. It was just longer then I thought necessary.
It really bothers me that women are so easy to barter and that a lot of movies come down to that when there's nothing else of worth left. There's a part of me that wants to be proud that women are coveted so strongly that in some cultures they are more previous then gold and diamonds and people would easily give those away for one, but that also sickens me. I hate to admit it, but if society switched roles and put the female side to power everything probably would probably boil down to the same thing in the end, at least there would be some group somewhere in the world shallow enough to do that.
Though when I think of that I have to imagine that it would be easier for guys to say yes to that then girls. It's harder to violate a guy in the same way.....>> Well, it's not, but I hope the female-empowered society wouldn't think of what my mind can come up with as resources and I definitely wouldn't wish that one anyone.
|
|
| Choices |
[23 Mar 2009|09:59pm] |
I'm burning myself out and it's making me sick. My friends have tagged me as a workaholic and I think they see that behind my happy cheerful expressions that I can't really handle it all. Trying to keep myself sane; I've handed some jobs over to my friends to lessen the burden. The vast majority still hangs on my shoulders though as drawing the comics, writing the novel and coloring is still something only I can do.
Mat doesn't think we are making enough progress during our meetings and I need to talk to him so we can get costumes/character concepts/and a few other things finished or at least started. He hasn't replied to my email as per usual, though he might be waiting for me to type up the character descriptions we wrote up so far. I've been adding more detail to them so those are delayed now.
I've had a headache for four days now and feel so much more comfortable in someones arms. That doesn't stop me from wanting to throw it all done and say 'I quit'. I can't do that. For my readers, for myself, I'd be so disappointed. Keeping up the pace is hard and trying to arrange a schedule isn't working out as well as I'd hoped.
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared of school. Everyone is at some point, right? I'm looking forward to moving out since I won't have to worry so much about my family, making sure they have food and that bills are being paid on time and everything stays clean.
It's hard to find an apartment though, I want to get a roommate out of fear of having a mental breakdown and needing someones shoulder to cry when it happens. Trevor has promised the basement of his house, but I can't see my pets being happy living there. Also I'd lose a bit of freedom as my life would be a bit more controlled. While I'm sure I could use some structure and security, I don't think I could put up with that for more then a few weeks. By controlled, I mean they would wake me up and feed me three times a day, make sure I go to school, finish homework prompt and on time, keep a steady job, and would enroll me into some sort of self defense classes to make sure I can take care of myself. I'm not comfortable with part of my life being controlled so much by someone's schedule though I'm sure I'd be a lot less stressed in a few ways.
Lately I've wondered about living by myself and making jokes that my boyfriend should come with me. I don't know what he honestly thinks of this. It was more making fun of the fact that we don't spend a lot of time apart and my fear of what might happen in the future with distance. I'm a bit afraid of him and kelly being at con together too, especially since I expressed my idea of all the girls staying in one room together. Personally, I can't see myself being able to convince a room full of boys to let me build a fort without someone saying no or taking over the process completely. The girls would probably end up giggling while all the blankets collapse down on us. That can wait to be addressed.
Writing it out makes me feel better. Gets these thoughts out of my head for a while.
|
|