| To die by any other hand would not be as pure. |
[15 Jan 2009|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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 rejected |
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Anything worth loving is worth losing.
And I said I was fine with that
if someone better ever came along
and scooped you up into their wings
Someone who could give you everything I can't.
I'd want you to be happy and choose them instead.
"Go. Be happy" I said.
but now I feel like I've wronged us both.
and I feel like I'm losing everything.
Myself, them, you, her, him, everyone.
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I'd scream and yell and kick and all those juvenile things if I knew it would or could change anything, but deep down the thought would remain that she still slept with someone else. So my understanding and compassion kick in, and in a time when I should have been raving mad I tried to make sure that she was okay and had been safe, and wasn't about to run off and do something stupid before breaking down in another persons arms.
I don't want to think right now, just walk like the half asleep zombie through life until the story plays out. I can't wait for work to be over so I can curl up and go back to sleep, hidden away from the cold that has hit this country full force <- that's not a subliminal message. It's freaking cold here.
Mat and I have to work out school somehow, though I now regret school ad grades and the like ad wish I was a helluva lot smarter so I could just jump into what interests me now and just worry about the money to pay for it rather then having the science grade.
I don't know what I'm going to do now, but I'll keep working on the little projects that I have ad hopefully talk to the girlfriend and hopefully come to an understanding of where this is going to go next - and then just life in general follows.
Oh. I did groceries shopping so the house is finally stuffed. Woot.
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I'm holding on to reality, but only just by a finger.
I don't think I like where this dream is taking me.
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