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[04 Jan 2009|08:49pm] |
I don't want to talk about new-years anymore. A lot of it is still a blurr and I'm content to keep it that way. I'm still angry at a lot of people and espessially myself, but that's my own problem to deal with.
I haven't been sleeping properly. Which is more or less that my body always wants to sleep and tends to hang on the verge of full sleep and daydream rather then give me proper rest. It just means that I'm sleeping longer then normal.
The next two weeks at work we oly have two people working again instead of three, whic is going to be annoyig since they are leaving me with one person who physically can't do their job properly and another that just isn't trained enough. Booked off my holiday though so we'll see how the boys like it when I'm gone. I talked to Lori about Robyn's part time and her current lack of hours and bad situation and it seems like it will be worked out and alright. I feel awful knowing I can only do so much.
I feel really out of the loop lately. I made a joke that maybe my odd way of thinking was the right way and everyone else is screwed up, but I don't see that as correct anymore. I just feel so much like an outsider and the stories people tell of their lives and relationships are something I can only read and listen and never really relate too.
I can't close my eyes to it, nor can I keep them open in an attempt to prove this isn't the same person and they aren't going to hurt me. I just honestly believe now that anything more physical won't happen wit hme and so afraid that this will ruin every relationship I'll have.
Kelly loves me. Jason loves me. Both say that it's okay, but I know it's not. It's something lacking and that won't change or ever not be needed in some form or another and I don't want it to break us apart the way I can see this heading.
In other and good news. I visit to Mat on tuesday and he has most of the character concepts finished so I can keep drawing like crazy. I have my story printed off so I can start editing and add bulk to the first and second chapters. I'm excited and frustrated, as Mat and I don't seem to have agreed options on one of Keno's brothers right now. I'm going to be stubborn though.
Updated the drop box Nobu radio.
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